What drives idealization and devaluation by women in romantic relationships at a very basic level is relationship insecurity. Idealization reflects a drive to escape from an internal experience felt to be unbearable and to connect with something perfect. This phase always occurs right at the beginning of any relationship with a narcissist, and is where they will make you feel truly special. 10 ways to identify idealization-discard relationship cycle of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)-1. The idealization phase in a psychopathic relationship will be unlike anything you’ve ever experienced. No Middle Ground. Idealization. You will be swept off of your feet, lost in a passionate fantasy with someone who excites you on every level: emotionally, spiritually, and sexually. This is how they hook you! Idealization is the over-estimation of the desirable qualities and underestimation of the limitations of a desired thing. Sigmund Freud. The first stage in a narcissistic relationship is “idealization” and is perhaps the most dangerous of them all. With this in mind, the next time you reflect on whether that special someone indeed was “the one,” ask yourself if it’s genuinely about your love for them or instead about your desire to even the playing field, to restore your pride, and to win the back-and-forth relationship game. Splitting is described in the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic & Statistical Manual (DSM-IV) as “A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and … This defense mechanism may take aim at another person, an actual experience or one's own self. To obtain the parents' love the child comes to do what he thinks the parents value. It is very different from bipolar disorder. But that still leaves one way in which this phenomenon can serve as an effective ally: Idealization and reconstructing memories can enhance a healthy relationship or even kindle a new flame. It makes sense that the two are often confused because they both happen at the beginning of a new relationship. BPD Idealization- Discard and Push-Pull Cycle-A borderline can idealize you and make you feel like a god and then in a matter of few minutes declare you the reincarnation of Satan. The term idealization first appeared in connection with Freud's definition of narcissism.Freud's vision was that all human infants pass through a phase of primary narcissism in which they assume they are the centre of their universe. Definition: Splitting - The practice of regarding people and situations as either completely "good" or completely "bad". We also tend to idealize those things that we have chosen or acquired. But then the researchers looked at unrealistic idealization in the relationship. 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